Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Thoughts on Celibacy


Cardinal Etchegaray has said recently that the ordination of married men is a possibility that could be discussed, but "it is not a solution to the vocations crisis." I remember that it was for the the most part Byzantine Rite Bishops at the Synod on the Eucharist in 2005 who spoke of their difficulties with married clergy and therefore stressed the importance of the discipline of celibacy for the Latin Church. Amongst most Byzantine Catholic Communities, as in the Orthodox Church, deacons and priests may marry, but Bishops are drawn exclusively from celibate clergy.


Extract of a post from Roman Catholic Vocations about married priest in American Orthodoxy.

While more than half of the church's 13 bishops are converts, they acknowledged a problem and joined in yesterday's discussion at the weeklong meeting in the David L. Lawrence Convention Center.

Some dioceses have salary requirements for priests, but many parishes refuse to abide by them, said the Rev. Alexander Garklavs, chairman of the church's pastoral care unit. He cited lay leaders who refused to pay the minimum because the priest's children were grown or because his wife worked.

Partly as a result, Garklavs said, an increasing number of priests prefer to work a secular day job and only moonlight in ministry. Or, if the priest's wife supports the family, he must follow her career from city to city rather than remain in the same parish for years.

It is not uncommon for parishes that lose a priest to wait years for a new one. The million-member church has ordained just 172 priests in the past 10 years and many of its priests are near retirement.

However, in a national survey of Orthodox Church in America clergy last year, low pay ranked only fourth on a list of frustrations. The first three were the laity's lack of participation in the liturgical life of the church, lack of spirituality, and failure to participate in adult religious education.

When priests feel that their ministry is unappreciated they "become stagnant and lose motivation and zeal," Garklavs said.




I really do think that Bishops ought to make more of the celibacy of the clergy, and actually challenge people to embrace a life of celibacy. Celibacy is chosen chasitity, it is difficult, I don't think anyone who has embraced it who has not craved for physical intimacy at some stage in their life and found its loneliness an almost overwhelming burden.


For most of my people here in Brighton craving for intimacy and the burden of loneliness, along with the depression that can go with it, is part of everyday living; it exists amongst the young, amongst the elderly, the widowed, the divorced and the significant homosexual community here, and yes, it exists in marriage too.


When I was a seminarian I always thought that at some stage in my life I would end up by being so filled with the love of Christ, that celibacy would enable me to love with such intensity that it would draw men and women to Christ, a bit foolish as I knew only a very few men and women like that. As I grow older it is pretty apparent that the great glory of celibacy is that it is really about being unfulfilled, not unlike the rest of mankind. It is a cross that marks the depths of the soul.


For me as a priest, unlike most of mankind it is cross, a brokenness, an emptiness, a lack of fulfillment that is freely chosen, and actually, when I examine it, joyfully chosen, even if that joy doesn't always shine forth in my life. Choosing the cross, brokenness, emptiness and even the lack of fullment makes no sense, except in solidarity with Christ. For the rest of mankind it comes from an unfortunate providence, for a Catholic priest, when you scrape away all the other influences, ultimately it comes from a deliberate choice, for the Kingdom of God.


If one is honest about it, with onself, it brings with it an understanding of the inner needs of others, and being able to direct them towards Christ. I really do think is my greatest pastoral tool.

20 comments:

Physiocrat said...

Thanks. Definitely worth pondering. A good counter to the present culture of "fulfilment".

Anonymous said...

Wow.

That's the most inspirational thing l've heard in ages.

Thank you.

Dorothy B said...

Thank you, Father, for such a moving and inspiring statement of your thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to echo the other writers here - thank you for sharing your thoughts on this subject with us.

Dr. Peter H. Wright said...

I wonder if it is easier to be a celibate by choice (as I am), or to be a celibate priest.

What's the difference ?

Well, (quite apart from the ontological difference between the priest and the layman,) two things.

I'm celibate because I don't want to marry , but I can (in theory) change my mind at any time. I am not committed.

The celibate priest has committed himself (but then, I presume, his priesthood matters more to him than anything else, if I can put it like that).

Men and women are, I suppose, meant to marry, have children and watch them grow up. That is natural.

But then widowship or widowership is natural too.
We all have to die, and a man and wife rarely die on the same day.

I take it people realise this when they marry, and are prepared to face it sooner or later.

How do you know you are leading the life meant for you ?

Well, if you're not, the signs (I presume) would be discontentment, dissatisfaction, unhappiness, etc.

If you are leading the life meant for you, then you will know contentment, satisfaction, peace, etc.

Are married clergy necessarily more contented, happy, etc. than celibate clergy ?

I don't know.
I doubt it.

Are married people happier than celibate people ?

I don't know.
I doubt it.

Is celibacy a lonely state ?
Not in my case.

But then being alone and being lonely are two different things,
aren't they ?

Au fond, I think this depends on the psychology of the individual.

Fr Ray Blake said...

Dr Wright,
I think there is alot that depends on the psychology of the individual.

For a priest celibacy should be embraced with joy, but it is an ascetic practice, like fasting or ...
I think in someway it is incomplete if there isn't also a certain yearning for what NT would indicate was the less better choice.
As one ages the danger increases that it just becomes comfortable bachelorhood.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your words which are an inspiration. I suppose the key is embracing celibacy with joy - otherwise it just produces grumpy, cranky old men who do no one any good.

Anonymous said...

My eldest daughter is considering a life of chastity,poverty & obedience in Miles Jesu. There are many consecrated lay men & women in Miles Jesu who take these vows for life..only a small number are chosen to be Priests. Interestingly Miles Jesu is also bi-ritual so the Byzantine Rite Catholic Priests are often married. In Ukraine they kind of get in a rush as they cannot marry after ordination but may be married & ordained but not Bishops as you say. Celibacy is a wonderful gift to the church as are those who choose to live celibate lives for life. As you say we all get lonely,depressed at some point in our lives..so getting all Priests married is no solution. My children's orthodontist (well he knows me quite well having dozens of children!) says to me..'well you see Jackie..about Catholics..well it's just these Priests not getting married..you know celibacy & all that'..i answer something like 'having sex is NOT compulsory, people can live without SEX, & what if one of you gets ill..do you go off with another woman who is available for SEX, & what if one of you dies..how do you cope with no SEX etc etc'

Great post..

Dr. Peter H. Wright said...

"Celibacy..is an ascetic practice, like fasting."

That, Father, is a most useful comparison which I honestly don't think I had considered.

Presumably, fasting is no penance if you are not hungry, or don't want to eat.

Well, I'm not hungry. Not in that sense. And not at my age !

I can certainly confirm that, in middle age, a celibate very easily becomes a "comfortable bachelor."

But, to be honest, I think I felt comfortable with celibacy twenty-five or thirty years ago !

Dr. Peter H. Wright said...

Peter,

I've only just read your comment.

I would say, don't worry.

I know of several married men who have become grumpy, cranky old men !

How do I know ?
Their wives told me !

tempus putationis said...

Dear, dear Father,
The young, the elderly, the widowed, the divorced, the homosexual community, the priesthood and religious are not the only ones to have discovered the cross of chastity... There are other mature adults who have actively chosen it, and bear it in solidarity with Christ, without any community to support them.
Single people do not have to be life's losers! With great love.

Fr Ray Blake said...

Dear, dear Tempus Putationis,
I agree, hence my opening words, but I think you are a rare bird.

Anonymous said...

Fr. Ray,

The failure of modern secular society to acknowledge the legitimacy and value of the single state has done untold damage. People are forced into one of four squares on a grid: (1) straight with sexual partner; (2) straight looking for sexual partner; (3) gay with sexual partner; (4) gay looking for sexual partner. Intrinsically ordered is lumped in with intrinsically disordered, fornication is actively encouraged, and one category which is intrinsically ordered - the single state - is regarded as an abnormality.

I was a fairly late marrier and I have vivid memories of how the "without sexual partner" category is generally regarded as the lowest of the low - attending the office Christmas party on my own was far more scandalous and daring behaviour than if I had shown up with a boyfriend!

The only sign of contradiction against this nutty and totally despiritualized outlook is the celibate Catholic priesthood. Long may it flourish!

Anonymous said...

It is interesting that nobody has commented on the Orthodox statement which sets out the disadvantages of clerical marriage in this characteristically melodramatic post. (Father, have you ever asked the question: who would want to marry you?).

But that apart, the economic problems are more forceful in this issue than any other. Not only would the Church have to pay higher stipends, but the laity would have to dig deep in their pockets to enable this to happen. Compulsory celibacy had more to do with property and inheritance than ascetic discipline. Once enforced, clerical concubinage followed, especially in countries like Germany. But the desperate situation among these American Orthodox, where it appears that ministry is largely dependent on the wife's ability to earn money, is deeply corrosive and their situation is a warning to us all.

The only way out is to adopt the Anglican practice of ordaining 'non-stipendiary ministers' who work in secular employment by day and dispense the sacraments in their spare time. But who wants that?

Celibacy is tougher for some than others. If you have a strong libido its best to avoid the priesthood. Nothing but trouble is likely to follow. Dried sticks make better priests.

Anonymous said...

10:14 Comment:
Father, do you get many that are this rude? no wonder they style themselves "Anonymous".
I suppose it is the "green ink syndrome".

Dr. Peter H. Wright said...

Ahah !

I knew the words "modern society" would appear on this thread sooner or later.

I have picked up some very valuable insights on this subject, both from Father Ray's post (where he is of course speaking primarily of clerical celibacy) and from other peoples' comments.

Now I read two useful insights from Tempus Putationis and Francis.

Tempus Putationis makes the very important point that being single does not make you one of life's losers.

Of course it doesn't !!

I can think of plenty of married men who fit that category !

Francis makes a most profound statement when he identifies "the failure of modern society to acknowledge the legitimacy and value of the single state."

Yes !!
The failure of modern society !

The state of celibacy is not a state of failure.

It is modern society which is a failure in its inability to understand to understand celibacy.

I have never really thought about it deeply, but now that I do think about it, I for the life of me can see nothing odd about refraining from sexual activity.

There is no mystique about celibacy.
For some it is easier than others.
That's all.

After all, everyone must refrain from sexual activity some of the time, or in most civilised countries they'd be locked up.

We all (to a greater or lesser degree) have to exercise self control over our impulses to anger, hatred, violence or whatever.

One form of self control (sexual continence) seems to me no different from any other form of self control.

Or is everyone else on the planet a promiscuous sexual maniac ?
I don't think so.

God has given us Ten Commandments to observe.
Are they all equally difficult to observe ?

No, different people will find the observance of some Commandments relatively easy, and the observance of other Commandments very difficult, perhaps a source of struggle all their lives.

Let no one deceive themselves, or be deceived.
We all have our cross to bear in this life.

"Take up your cross, and follow me."
Yes, I do (or rather I try to,) but for me celibacy is not a cross.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, father, for an inspiring post.
Although most of the comments have been about celibacy, I would like to return to the first part of the post concerning the possibility of combining marriage and the priesthood. I am always reminded of the comments made by Fr Ronald Wall, who was ordained in widowhood, having been a Presbyterian minister before he became a Catholic. He was relieved to lay down his ministry because, he said, it interfered with his marriage. I don't know if it was in his autobiography (Love Stronger than Death) or somewhere else that he wrote that Marriage and Holy Orders are both Sacraments, each of which requires all of a man's living to perfect; and it is a disservice to both to suggest that a man can live them simultaneously. From my (admittedly limited) reading, it seems to me that it was a deeper understanding of marriage as much as of the priesthood that required them to be separated.

gemoftheocean said...

I am also single, last year on my 50th birthday, another single friend and I went up to the Prince of Peace Abbey. I can't imagine what it's like for men turning 50, but I have to say though I am usually reasonably content with my single life (indeed like Dr. Peter I am quite often alone but very seldom am I lonely.) But a 50th birthday does have a poignancy that gives one pause. Past the age of menopause, I know I will never have children, and am not likely to get married. I had a feeling from fairly early childhood that that would be the case, figuring if I was to marry, well and good, but I would make sure it was to someone quite extraordinary. I never, from even young girlhood wanted to get married for the sake of getting married. I always figured if I fell in love with someone and they felt the same about me, then fine, but I was not going to go out of my way to look for it. I have always not liked the sometimes phoney way people present themselves when trying to attract a mate - I figured if I had to be phoney to attract someone, then a guy who would be impressed by that stuff was someone who wasn't a good judge of character.

At any rate, I suppose WHATEVER choices one makes or state devolves on one by age 50, it's natural to wonder about "the road you didn't take." [Stay AWAY from that Sondheim song from Follies on your 50th! ;-D] Anyway, to come back to the circle - on my 50th we went up to the Abbey for Mass and lunch with Abbot Claude, of late and Happy Memory, as of this September. I had known Abbot Claude a little - He was 98 then. [Hard to feel old when you're with someone 98.] My friend Michele is in her early 60s a 3rd order Benedictine who is a consecrated virgin. When we were talking to Father Abbot, he was told it was my 50th and he started asking me about myself. I confirmed for him I'd never had children or been married.
Now often times, people don't know what to say, or they mean well but say completely the wrong thing ... not meaning to, but they do. Fr. Abbot said THE perfect thing. He said "God must love you very much. He wants you all for Himself." On that day, at that time, and even now if I ever wonder about "the road not taken" I content myself with that. As I say, most of the time I am content, and do actually enjoy solitude (I do need my "downtime.") - it's human nature to wonder if one has chosen the right path. And I far and away disagree with "anon" -- far from "dry stick" if our celibacy is used in the right way, we can be the most passionate of people. Not in a sexual sense, but your passion, as Fr. Blake says, is directed and harnessed to the needs of others. When a person is in need I am free to devote my time to them and help where I can. That same celibate friend was with my when my mom died. No sister could have done better than she as being a rock of support for me. One of my favorite movies is THE TROUBLE WITH ANGELS. A "Real handful" of a girl gradually is drawn to choosing the sisterhood as a vocation. Towards the end of the film, she has a lovely conversation with Rev. Mother (with whom she's been butting heads with for years.) Much to Mary's surprise, she finds out that Mother had quite a carefree and somewhat worldly life in Paris, being apprenticed to a Haute Couture house. It was evident mother loved the life - and Mary said "But how could you give all that up if you loved it so much?" And Mother Superior said "I found something better." So if we do direct our passions in leading other people to Christ, then our celibacy has great meaning.

And Dr. Peter, I would expect, because in our cases we have "opt out" clauses, Fr. Blake's celibacy is the more rigorous. You and I know that if we end up falling in love with someone, we can marry - Fr. Blake has a commitment to stay single. We've got a bridge, should we choose to travel that path. He hasn't. A man who taught in our high school was never married until his late 50s he did marry a cousin of a former pastor of ours. Also never married about the same age. So I guess even at our ages there is still a coup de foudre. [sp!] possibility.

Dr. Peter H. Wright said...

Hello Karen.

Another celibate !

What happens to a man when he reaches the age of 50 ?

In my experience, nothing.

When I was 49, I thought, "Goodness I'm getting older."

When I turned 50, I don't remember thinking anything about it at all.

I was very interested to hear Karen mention "passion".

A celibate can channel his or her passion in some other useful (or useless) direction.

I hadn't thought of that.

I suppose I chanelled my passion (uselessly, in this context) into my book collection.

Book collecting did at some stage cease being a hobby and became a passion.

Could I have been as successful a book collector if I had not become passionate about it ?

Probably not.

But that begs the question : Can a man be a really outstanding husband and father if he's not passionate about it ?

I don't know.
I suppose not.

Which begs one more question : Can a man or woman make really good use of their celibacy if they are not passionate about it ?

I think I can answer "No" to that one, but I'm open to correction.

And I'm not quite sure what it means to be passionate about one's celibacy.

gemoftheocean said...

Well, not passionate necessarily about celibacy itself, although accepting its constancy in the sense of not pursuing unhealthy avenues (porn, cheap sexual thrills etc). I suppose I mean trying to have overall passion for life. I have my ups and downs like most everybody. I don't think happiness depends on being married or not, but on an individual's psychology. I think people are about as happy as they make themselves, overall - no matter what state of life. Though studies tend to show married people do live longer. But then when you look at say, for instance, priests and nuns who live in community, you often see very long lives. For instance for all St. Therese of Lisieux's death at an early age, I think 3 of her 4 sisters lived to be quite elderly and the 4th was in her 70s, I think when she died. Friends and extended family are important to me, the extended family is far flung, and the closest blood relatives I have living are elderly aunts and uncles, and a number of cousins, only one living within 150 miles or so of me. I usually can get along with almost anyone I meet, though I could never quite decide whether I was an extroverted introvert, or an introverted extrovert. The "true friends" I meet I keep for decades. Quite happy with other people around, but about as content when following my own solitary pursuits and interests. I tend to have hobbies I can either enjoy by myself or with other people (theatre/music) - I also am a bibliophile, mostly history, travel, and auto/biographies, I'm not much one for fiction per se, but give me mystery novels like Dorothy Sayers or spy thrillers and I'm "there." I like old movies. I'm a dillitant when it comes to foreign language, not speaking any particularly well, but it goes in phases. For instance Fr. Z. just put up a post in Italian and I pretty much got the gist of it, though I haven't formally studied that language since college. Also like photography, travel and anything to do with computers. Though "don't go there with me" with C++ I tend to be "old school."
I can keep myself occupied, but I'm happy if others want to "come along for the ride" so to speak. For instance, if I'm in a theatre mood I might just pick up and go after a quick check if there's anything interesting (and reasonably affordable) as the mood strikes me I'll either invite someone or just go. One of my single female friends is as impulsive as I am about that - (she's moving back to NYC soon, and I'll miss her company greatly) but with two other good friends "theatre" spells "event" and I might be thrwarted into waiting and theatre's one of my "instant gratification" treats. I never just NOT go anywhere because I couldn't find someone to go with. I've been known to jump in the car and go up to Disneyland myself and have a great day out.

I suppose I've always thought the latter quality a help in not minding a celibate life - the ability to be good company for one's self. and not always having to have to have another person there to enjoy something. Quite pleased if someone wants to come along - but also pleased to not particularly give a rip about dining alone or going to a show or event alone.

[And you might want to check the thread on my blog you've been follow for a further answer to your queries there! I'll have a reply for you there shortly. I do hope Fr. Blake doesn't mind SoCal weather, I'm sure I can rustle up a winery tour for him, and a trip to the opera. :-D Here's where Fr. Blake says "wha?!" if he's read this far. To save you time Fr. Blake, you can follow the thread in question here, should curiosity get the better of you.]

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