Wednesday, April 01, 2009

From the Directrix of S M Magdalen Choral Services

An email from the Directrix of S M Magdalen Choral Services:

After much thought, I have decided we are doing too much latin, this is the revised music programme for the Easter vigil

LUMEN CHRISTI - This will replaced by a liturgical dance performed by the choir with the aid of 'glow in the dark' sticks and cigarette lighters
EXULTET - This will now be sung in English in a rap style accompanied by a hip hop beat
PSALMS between the readings - O Lord you are the centre of my life
By the rivers of Babylon (boney M)
Let it be - The Beatles

GLORIA - Clapping Gloria. People may use wood blocks if they don't feel up to clapping

Alleluia Psalm - Hallelujah Song (Leonard Cohen) followed by 'He's got the whole wide world in his hands.' Additional verses can be improvised,
'He's got St Mary Magdalen's in his hands etc." to make it feel more topical.

Sprinkling Rite - A medley of songs from Sister Act II: Back in the Habit

Offertory - Bind us together with tambourine accompaniment

Communion Majesty

End Shine Jesus Shine with Power Guitar solo after verse three

Clare, I concur, we must look after the older generations.


leutgeb said...

Oo, you are naughty, Father.
What's the date?

Great music list, though.

I'll suggest it to Fr Tim.

(Nice photo, Clare.)

Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

I want one!

Ches said...

You mean 'Drop kick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life' doesn't get an airing this year? I can't believe it.

George said...

Fr. Ray this sounds so coooool!

I might suggest a few additional items, 1/ Sacred pebbles, enough to go round so everyone can take one, give it a name (Running Wolf, Nigel, Brian or such-like) and use it as a focus for their mantras. 2/ Incense sticks and burners placed all round the church. 3/ It's an absolute 'must' to include John Lennon's 'Imagine' as one of the sound tracks. 4/ An upbeat 'sign of peace' ceremony with mandatory pew jumping, back slapping, kissing your neighbour, personal introductions, much laughter and hand shaking. 5/ Tambourines, kazoos (who remembers those?) and whistles for all the kids - especially important when singing the hand clap version of the Gloria! 6/ And finally a big Barney the Bear outfit for Fr. instead of Priestly vestments!

WoW!! What a L-I-T-U-R-G-EEEEEEE!!

PS - Nearly forgot. Do you have that dancers phone number?? Haahaaaahaaa-hahaha....

On the other hand I think they got it right in the 4th Century.
Latin Rules - OK

servusmariaen said...

That's quite clever Father! At first I thought it serious and was taken a back but then I found myself laughing out loud! At that point I knew it was april fools!!

Delia said...

I hope you're inviting Patriarch Bartholomew?

Jane said...

Excellent April Fool's prank Father, and of course I laughed, but some features of the suggested liturgeee came true in my (French)parish Church on Laetare Sunday. There was one particularly shocking addition not mentioned in your parody, and I have debated whether or not to post about it on the Oasis. But now I think it's my absolute duty to do so later today. Just to give you a clue, it will probably be entitled 'In a strange land: Pope down? Hands up!'

Ben Trovato said...

I'll feel excluded if you don't ha KumBaYa...

Michael Clifton said...

I had on my blog a story that the Pope was going to the G20 landing in a Boeing 747 at London City Airport and then going to spend the night at a well known presbytery in south East London.
You know where !

gemoftheocean said...

Don't forget the ever popular "Ride on, King Jesus" for the quick getaway exit.

georgem said...

I'll order in the skateboards so no-one misses out on the hug o' peace.
I hope you will do your annual trick of spinning the collection baskets on the sanctuary. The Offertory could do with a bit of pizazz.

universal doctor said...

The "servant King" is also a favourite- so meaningful.
At school tomorrow there is to be a "Liturgee" of the Passion. At the "Liturgee COMMITTEE" meeting (all inclusive) we were told by the drama teacher (no Liturgee Committee is complete/ legit without her) that this year "the crucifixion is going to be a dance". Laugh or cry.

georgem said...

Wasn't it Alec Guinness who said: "Never let an actor near the liturgy, especially a bad one"?

OsullivanB said...

As an occasional visitor I see this whole column as a disgrace.

If this sort of mockery of fellow-Catholics' possibly misguided but I think sincere attempts to worship God is thought appropriate by "Traditionalists" I think I'll stick with the post-V2 approach.

Fr Ray Blake said...

Nothing of the Council is being called into question here, simply its crass, and illegitimate, interpretation.

georgem said...

Father, This is from the Liturgy Office of the Bishops’ Conference and, unlike your reprehensible posting, this is not an April Fool joke but a serious Lenten guide for classrooms and assemblies to deepen understanding and spirituality -

10 ideas for ritual actions:

Bury the word ‘alleluia’.
Pour water over hands.
Dip hands in a bowl of water and make the sign of the cross.
Write sins on paper then burn them.
Place stones at the foot of the cross.
Write sins on paper in water-based pens then submerge paper in water, watching the ink disappear.
Write sins on paper then shred them.
Share the sign of peace.
Untie knots in pieces of string for letting go of memories.
Take bricks away which have been covering a picture.
By the way, Father, this blog is a disgrace.

OsullivanB said...

As you say. Perhaps I just find a sneering tone unattractive. Still, each to his own.

Clitherow said...

I fully agree with OSullivanB's stance.

Where there is irreverence, it must obviously be dealt with, but IT IS NOT FUNNY.

If I saw a Tridentine Mass offered badly, the last thing I would do, is joke about it. and please let none tell me it has never been offered badly, it has - I witnessed it.

The last thing I want is dreadful music, play acting and liturgical dancers, but the people who do it are misguided, there is no need to mock, but, then the traditionalists do tend to be so terribly terribly superior.

Maura said...

Clitherow, if it was offered badly it wasn't done properly.

universal doctor said...

There is a difference between a "sincere" attempt to give glory to God, and an immature one. When the divinity of God is debased and subsumed by our humanity we are both misguided and immature.

Annie said...

Boy, have some people had a sense of humour bypass!

Fab post, Father, LOL!

Malcolm Kemp said...

Do people always have sense of humour failure or does it only happen on the feast of Saint April and All Fools? Religion is supposed to be (amongst many other things) fun and I'm sure OLJC had a great sense of humour. I happen to think Fr Ray and his Directrix are doing a superb job with liturgy and music (and he is a very good preacher). If you want more serious academic stuff go to Fr Hunwicke's Liturgical Notes (Anglican) but even he has a wicked sense of humour.

Landon DePasquale said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mafeking said...

OSB, Clitherow

A little bit of mockery isn't a bad thing. It pulls people up short and makes them think twice about what they are doing. In the short run they might find it painful and embarrassing but in the long run they will hopefully thank the people who did it. It's the story of the Emperor who had no clothes. This is a little bit of mockery and it isn't a bad thing. Sneering ? No, letting off steam in what is a crazy church at the moment, Yes.

OsullivanB said...

The Emperor's New Clothes may be the appropriate myth, but I read it somewhat differently. The little boy did not mock; he did not sneer; he did not jeer. He stated in the simplest and most innocent terms the objective truth which others preferred not to recognise. "The Emperor isn't wearing any clothes." It was merely an observation, not a clever-clever jibe either at the Emperor or at those who chose not to see this..
The other major distinction is that new liturgists (unlike the courtiers and masses in the myth) are sincere if mistaken. It may be more fruitful to correct them gently than to scoff at them.

OsullivanB said...

P.S. Maybe I have suffered a sense-of-humour deficit here. But I really don't feel comfortable on seeing the liturgy and specifically Holy Mass used as a vehicle for mockery. It must just be me.

mafeking said...


You exaggerate. Get a thicker skin and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

OsullivanB said...


mafeking said...


Grow up.



too much modernism is a no-no!

see if I let this article read by a bishop! oh what the anger must have come!